And Then There Were None...

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I was already sleeping on Monday, slumbering peacefully and dreaming of pies and cakes and lovely things like that when I was woken by a positively giddy Ithil. Or as I'm calling her, and not just in my head but also to her face, inconsiderate, insane and impossible Ithilwen! Oh yes, alliterations are awesome, aren't they? Anyway, Ithil had just returned from Orthanc and they killed Saruman. Again. I was about to punch her. Or stab her in the back. 'No, no, no...' she said, 'you don't understand! We killed him on Tier 2 and almost got Challenge Mode as well.' Eh, what?! You killed him, good. That's all I need to know. Or rather, I don't! And most importantly, I don't need to be woken up because of stuffs like that!

But she continued her tale without paying any attention to me whatsoever. 'And we had to do it twice, because the first time round, we killed the last one, and then there were none, and then we had to use the rings, and then we suddenly died...' Hah! I bet it was all Ithil's fault as well! 'So we went again, and it all worked out great!' Yeah, yeah. Whatever! I had taken to playing with my daggers at that point, but did she take the hint? NO! However... After all the babbling of Orthanc, and Saruman and loot...I did listen to that bit very intently...she suddenly said, 'Oh, and the Festival is going on...' Woot?! And she doesn't tell me this immediately?! I don't flipping care about silly wizards, however festivals...that's different!

Ithil of course already got the steed and had to show it off and all, so I vowed to do better and not only get this year's new pony, but also the one I never bothered to get last year. I'm not gonna be beaten by some silly minstrel! So off I went to the Haunted Burrow, and I was somewhat frightened... But I'm a strong hobbit, and brave, so I stared down the spiders and other scary things and just kept going, finding hobbits, finding someone's lost items, finding... Hang on, they made me do chores again and I didn't even notice! Darn it!

I also went to the hobbit dances and learned the second hobbit dance, and then decided that after bobbing for apples, it was time to have a drink, or six...or...even more. So I talked to this hobbit from the Inn League, who invited me to share his ale, and who then sent me on a wild goose chase across the Shire and back. At the end of which I was...well...very happy indeed. However, I didn't want the dwarves of the Ale Association to feel left out, so I went to Bree and had some more drinks with them. Lots more. The world was a funny colour when it all ended. But oh well, the things one does to make everyone like you...

And finally I did it! I got both ponies. And if I say so myself, I look rather dashing on them. Wearing the matching dresses and cloaks of course. I'm a fashionable hobbit after all!

On my way to Hengstacer Farm, I found this pumpkin patch, and obviously couldn't quite resist picking a pumpkin or two. I think I'll carve it and put it in front of my tent to ward off silly minstrels who think it's a good idea to wake me in the night...

Right, off now to sample the food they have at the Festival Grounds. Enjoy your festival, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Goats, Deeds and a Very Lazy Guardian

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Summer is officially over I think. Well, at least the Summer Festival is, and I have detected a slight chill in the air this morning before I went and invited myself to breakfast at the Cotton's home. But while hobbit cooking is pretty much the best and our partying skills are topped by no one, it's high time for me to venture into the wide expanses of Middle-earth once more.

I think I'll join my friends in Galtrev again... The food there was quite nice and I still have to convince the Prince of Rohan and his riders that I am a most trustworthy hobbit indeed. And if that means that I have to steal, eh, borrow Punctured Shields and things like that from Ithil and so on, that's fine by me.

Speaking of the crazy minstrel...she spent the best part of a day near Gondamon the other day, murmuring over and over about some silly goat and Buried Treasure Tokens. Apparently something's going on in the Low Lands that involves, and get this Diary, collecting berries for a cave-claw. So it's not enough that the people of every village I go to want me to do their chores for them. Now the local wildlife have jumped on that particular bandwagon as well. No thank you! If Ithil wants to chase after treasure, fine. I shall sit tight where I am and enjoy the scenery.

Goats...bah! So while Ithil was 'enjoying' the Treasure Hunt and her growing obsession with mounts, Wyn finally caught up with Brogur in the Deep Way and helped him defend the dwarves from huge frogs and a generous helping of goblins and orcs. The poor dwarf only had to wait three years for her to show up... Afterwards, she went and chatted to Mr Arrogance himself, Haldir, Marchwarden of Lothlórien...and I think she stayed longer than she had to. I wonder if she, you know, 'likes' him...


Shiny cloak looks better on me than Wyn And once she was done with Mr Pointy-Ear and Sharp-Tongue, she lulled my good friend Tickly Tickles into a false sense of security and got her to kill stuffs in something called New Devilry. Whatever that is, it doesn't sound very inviting. However, I heard that one of my favourite cloaks comes from there...the Cloak of Shadow and Flame. Shiny that. At the end of it all, she got something called Heart of Fire and was very happy about it. See, I'd be happy if I got pies...

And since I'm a sensible hobbit, I also stayed behind when everyone ran off to kill worms, giants, trolls and whatever else they felt like slaying for those strange deed things. Someone even told me to get some more Determination and I sat them down and explained to them that I was as determined as can be...determined to get the next meal and then some. I got a shrug in return and a mumbled 'suit yourself'. There's weird people in this, our Middle-earth...

Ithil just told me that the Harvestmath Festival is due to start on Monday...I believe that when I see it. But if it does start, I will camp out in Bree-land this time. I've had a bit too much of the happy-go-lucky hobbitness in the Shire and need some diversity in my life. Also, say what you will about the Bree-landers, they cook nice food.

Speaking of which, I think my lunch is ready, so see you later, Diary...and who knows, maybe next time it will be at the next Festival...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Festivals in Rohan?

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Wynnie is lazy! There's no other way of stating it. She is bloody lazy! Just because she's on holiday doesn't mean she can skip out on her secretarial duties. But obviously she is of a different opinion. The nerve! And there is so much I have to tell you about, dearest Diary, I don't quite know where to start. Then again...

If Wynnie is lazy...which she is...then Ithil is crazy! Apparently something called NDA has been lifted so she suddenly started telling us all stories of her time in Rohan. First we all thought she'd gone down the deep end, but then others began talking about the same stuff... So apparently she went somewhere called Bullroarer...good Hobbit name that...and entered the Eastermnet. She had fun with Fellbeasts and their owners, palled around with the Fellowship, and topped it all off with the most idiotic thing ever. She went and jumped off a massive waterfall! Intentionally! Diary, I think she should seek out some professional help... These constant attempts to kill herself can't be good.

All in all, Ithil decreed Rohan to be absolutely awesome and promised that I'd love my war pony. Hang on, war pony?! She just giggled... And proceeded to babble about a burned-down town we would have to help rebuild like it was a good thing. It totally is not. Rebuilding stuff always involves something I'm trying to avoid at all costs...chores! I've only just escaped Hengstacer Farm, I'm not prepared to go back to doing the work other people just can't be bothered to do! Meh!

Anyway...so Ithil was doing her crazy-person stuff and also played about in Orthanc and Gilly was chasing purple skies... No really, the sky really was purple, or so she says. She said she was just riding around in Enedwaith, talking to crazy and less-crazy dwarves, and all of a sudden she looked up and saw the most beautiful sky ever. Silly elves. Looking at the sky when they should be seeking out the next meal! No wonder they're so skinny...

I'm not a silly elf. I'm a hobbit and I know what's good. And I say food and drink and festivities are very good indeed. Which is why I was...and still am...in the only place to be. The Party Tree! Occasionally I pop off to Bree, Thorin's and Celondim to do some fishing or find things people have misplaced, but generally I'm very much back home. For as long as the festival is on. After that I'll be going on my adventures again. Being back is nice, but after a while the Shire becomes a bit...too cheerful and too quiet and I have to leave to see the world once more.

For now though I'm happy to help Foxglove Tunnelly and Melilot Hayward with their lost things, though when it comes to Meliot's food...well...I might not be returning all of it... But she's a silly hobbit to leave food lying about the Shire. Doesn't she know what hobbits are like? We like to snack! And Mosco Smallburow is just as careless. I kinda feel for him...being dragged underwater by a fish isn't nice, but I'm still not returning all of his lunch to him. I'm a growing hobbit after all.

I'm not touching Ambi's concoctions though. Who knows what the silly dwarf put into those bottles. Nor will I leaf through Lalfor's books. Reading always makes me sleepy. And apparently that's true for him as well, or why would he constantly lose his stuff?

All my good deeds have netted me quite a few Summer Festival Tokens so I was able to splash out on my new pretty pony and some lovely new clothes. Aren't I the cutest hobbit ever?

And before I forget... Santhea, aka the Mistress of Purple Lightning, may her reign last forever and all that, is freezing her tender butt off on Hoth but is now 41. And she has caught the eye of some sort of medic called Talos Drellik...not sure what Mr Pirate has to say to that...

Oh, fresh pies have just come out of the oven, so I must run! Talk to you soon, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.