I Hate Reeds!

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain

Dear Diary,

I want to go back home! I really, really do! Stupid G and his even stupider, but still quite shiny bauble! And stupid people who told him about it in the first place...yes, Wyn is a bloody idiot! Did Miss Perfect and Brilliant really have to 'casually' mention that the people of the Rushgore are seeking adventures and will hand out this stupid thing that is apparently oh-so-great for guardians? Was that really necessary?!

As if the ghosts on the Field of Celebrant hadn't been bad enough... At least there I'd still been able to SEE where I was going. But those accursed reeds in the Rushgore? They are something else entirely! About six times as tall as me... Bleh! And of course we had to go out there and kill stuffs again (because the Rushgore-ians are too lazy to leave their little camps). There's turtles that are as big as my cousin's hobbit hole, I kid you not... And the bugs! Bigger than me once again, and annoying as they can punt you away from them as if they were playing...some kind of game of sports. Wynniekins = not amused! And their queen was just massive! But very stupid as she didn't know the answer to my riddles and was standing around REALLY confused for a long time and was pretty much dead before she got out of this dazed state.

But before we even made it to Rushgore, I had to do some chores again, well...of sorts. There are these ruins south of the Field of Celebrant called - and this will really surprise you, dear Diary - Ost Celebrant. Apparently some not so good things happened there years ago (or so that ghost thing person told me) and we had to help make things a bit less, um, ghostly? Anyway, one problem was that there was treasure. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but treasure tends to be a GOOD thing normally. But no, this treasure is cursed apparently, and G and I were asked to throw some HUGE chests into the Limlight river. Did I mention that said chests were huge? And heavy! I think it was all just a ploy by some robbers who just couldn't be bothered to go into the ruins themselves and just fished the shinies out of the water instead. That's what I would do, I guess...

After carrying chests and battling reeds, it was time for us to cross the river Anduin. The Great River. Like a body of water...lots of water. I totally wasn't scared. Not at all. It's just that I was happy to reach the other side as I'm, um, a very curious hobbit and wanted to see what's on the far bank, yes. What we found wasn't something to write home about. Trolls, cats, crazy Easterlings...the usual. We also found the Desolation of the Garden... It used to be the beautiful home of the Entwives the Ent Gnarlstump told us, but now it is a barren wasteland overrun by stupid trolls. As a hobbit, my heart was breaking a little when I beheld the sad state of the place. I might not like gardening myself, but this is just...

There was one thing, however, that really stood out. Something that drove home once again that we are in very much hostile lands now where even the most dreadful enemies might lurk around the next corner. We found the Fellbeast of one of the Ring-wraiths, shot down by a Rohirrim arrow. I'm worried, Diary, for without his steed, the Nazgûl must still be around somewhere...

I think I need to go have some food before all this worrying does funny things to my appetite. But before I go, I've been asked to tell you that Wynnie (the person who writes this diary for me) is writing something new. Please check out Wynnie goes Free to Play! Okay, let's see if I can find some munchies around here, wish me luck!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Silly Eagles and an even Sillier Squirrel

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain

Dear Diary,

So after our visit to Orthanc, I decided to take a break from dreadful monsters and went back to Stangard. I also brought my cookbook so at long last those silly Rohirrim people would know how to cook for a hobbit. But alas, as G and I got there, we found things had taken a rather unfortunate turn.

But before going into town, G reminded me that we were told to visit someone in this glade thing. Turns out it was Gwaihir's brother Landroval who wished to talk to us. It seems his friend Meneldor got lost or something, and of course it's up to US to find him. G dragged me away before I could start yelling at Landroval...

We found the silly eagle in a cave, hanging from a big cobweb... Big cobweb means big spiders. And I don't like spiders. The small ones are bad enough, but what was coming towards us in the cave... But I'm a brave burglar and am showing no fear, not even when facing eeky eight-legs.

Of course we killed the incy wincy, big massive spider without much fuss...well, I did, G is more of a 'bark but not bite' kinda elf. And once the deed was done, Meneldor was rather pleased and even offered to fly us back to Landroval. But as we got back, we were presented with a note from Stangard...no good news... Apparently all hell has broken loose since we left, and one of our so-called friends there had to run off to some farm. Farm equals chores, farms are bad! But you know, with things as bad as they were, even I couldn't moan about a few farm chores that we obviously had to do. G joked that we're the chore-loving heroes. I nearly kicked him in the shin!

So we had to go sort all of that out and then, as we were finally sitting down to dinner, Squirrel showed up. We told her about the eagles and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Meneldor loves that spider-infested cave it would seem." I prodded her a little, and she told me that she, too, had been required to 'save' the idiotic eagle. I swear, the next time I see him...

With my homicidal, or eagle-cidal plans formed and ready for execution, I really thought I could have a nice and quiet evening. However, Isquariel was bouncing like a crazy bunny, so we finally had enough and asked what she was so happy about. She claimed she not only visited with Saruman as well, but even stole his cloak's clasp... I am the burglar here! Who does Miss ZapZap think she is?!

After that weekend, I decided to go back to the cheerfulness that is Mirkwood today. Killed some spiders, chaperoned an orc...the usual. And now I'm having tea with my good friend Gorothúl...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

A Tale of Acid, Shadow and a Cute Eagle

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain

Dear Diary,

I think G is actually quite okay at this whole tanking thing...at least he managed to keep those nasty monsters in the Experimentation Pit, Saruman's Throne Room and the Pinnacle of Orthanc away from me... Seriously though, is it really a good idea to poke your nose in the affairs of a wizard? I mean, look at those Baggins...

Then again...it was the stories of Mad Bilbo Baggins that made me want to go on adventures myself...that and the fact that Frodo still owed me a few gold coins for pranks played on his Sackville-Baggins relations... Owing money and then buggering off into the wild? Not on my watch! Though it took me a while to track him down, I finally got my money in Rivendell. But by that time I was already too wrapped up in adventures, and really not interested in chores...

However going back to the Tower of Isengard...that made me wonder. But I couldn't come up with any valid excuses not to go. I'd just eaten a lovely big lunch and the promise of shiny loot is very hard to resist if you're in that nice warm, full and half-asleep state after munchies. And to be honest, I did get some really nice shinies indeed. I'm now just one piece away from...some kind of awesome bonus. Um, whatever. I'm getting a bit confused when people talk to me about agility and such...always have to have a snack afterwards.

But really, it was quite satisfying to kill off the big bad Bukot, who'd been rather bad for my breathing while he'd been around. I mean, I totally get it. Toxic fumes are a great idea to weaken your enemies, but you can take it a bit far... Fumes that will kill you if you move? Really?! Silly...thing! Well, we showed him what we thought of his super awesome skills, and after he kicked the bucket, G was very happy to receive a new shield. I personally think that shields are for wussies, unless they are used as huge plates, then they are just brilliant. So while he was going on about how awesome the shield is, I sat down on my new chair...

I really thought this would be the end of Orthanc, dear Diary... But no. My friends decided we should visit with Saruman himself. You know, for tea or something. We learnt that a) Saruman apparently doesn't do tea, and b) that he really is a scary wizard kinda person. But he's completely off the rocker! I have been told that Sauron in Mordor is THE Ring-maker around. So if you ever want a ring made to dominate others, he's your go-to guy (if you dare to go to him that is). But Mr Crazy Wizard thinks he's a Ring-maker as well. Setting himself up for a world of pain there I'd say. About the same as stealing someone's last bag of Old Toby...

So yeah, it was less teatime, and more killing time up on top of the Tower. And I'm telling you, it's very high! I think I may be suffering from vertigo... Especially after I was being flown off the Tower! But I can't really be mad at the cute Lord of the Eagles who was really happy to see another hobbit and who confirmed all the stories Mad Bilbo would tell us. I think he liked G as well, at least he was eying G with lots of interest...then again, maybe he was hungry...

So there you have it, dear Diary. My first time in the Tower...but I've been told that every monster will be back next week so we can go again. Saruman is a necromancer! I'm so scared, I think I need to go eat!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

The Big 75, Whatever That May Be...

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain

Dear Diary,

Being abroad has some drawbacks unfortunately...I missed the Egg Festival celebrations in the Shire. No pancakes, omelettes, scrambled, boiled or fried eggs for me this year. Makes me a very sad hobbit. And then G actually went and said that this might be a good thing as I was a bit pod.. I clobbered him over the head at that point. Stupid elf!

So instead of basking in the sun and stuffing my face, I had to work this year. G finally managed to drag me to Dunbog and then east towards Tâl Methedras. I know now why Squirrel didn't tell me what would happen there...because they went and took us captive! One moment we were in Dunland, the next we're in the dungeons of Isengard. I think they must have knocked me out in between because otherwise how could I have crossed miles upon miles in the blink of an eye?

The things we were made to do during our captivity...they make farm chores look like fun. I mean, collecting slob? Really? Just disgusting! And meeting Saruman himself...that was scary. I most definitely WON'T add him to my Yule Festival card list...

Once we freed ourselves, we taught the Falcon Clan not to go messing with hobbits or elves and they ran off into their caves like Shire shrews. Even though they claimed that they were really the victorious ones, I think they were just plain sacred of us. Well, of me really, G isn't all that frightening...

After a well deserved break for crafting, and more importantly, eating, we finally did what Wyn and Ithil have been telling us to do for ages... We went to Stangard! And I was once again proven right! The food situation there was beyond dire and it was up to us to fix it. In other words, roll around more bloody chores! Funny thing was that at some point people started to congratulate us because we reached the Big 75. I think people are insane. I mean, Big 75? What's that supposed to be? Level cap or something? What are we, in a game?! Whatever...

But insanity seems to follow me wherever I go... Yesterday, G dragged me kicking and screaming to a certain dragon and then to Isengard. G is my friend no longer! At least his crazy burg friend gave me some marbles, they're shiny... But maybe I should reconsider. Going to those scary places got me some new armour, especially my new hat...I look utterly cool in it!

Oops, it's time for food (I'm back in Galtrev, where the food is good) so I better go.

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

A Short Break

Thursday, 5 April 2012

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 70 Burglar, Gilrain

Dear Diary,

I managed to convince G to lay low for a bit and just enjoy the hospitality of all the lovely people in Galtrev. Because I really REALLY don't want to go to that boggy place. Eeky wet and smelly places aren't my idea of a fun outing, so I'm gonna stall for as long as possible. And believe me, I'm the master of excuses...

But you know, it's not just that I don't like swamps... Squirrel, eh, I mean Isquariel went there yesterday and the stories she was telling me were just...gross. She said the slugs are bigger than me, not to mention the turtles and avancs... But those aren't the worst of it.

Apparently someone conducted scientific experiments and created mutant orcs and trolls. And while that sounds really intriguing, I'd rather study them from afar. And Galtrev is just about far enough... Ithil told me not to be a baby about it and that it's just like DN. That DN place sounds like something to avoid at all costs!

However it's something else my Rune-Keeper friend said that really freaked me out... She went to Tâl Methedras yesterday but wouldn't tell me why or what she did there. All I got was a cryptic, "Wait and see for yourself." So of course I'm a bit psyched because it sounds bad... But there's something else. I get the feeling I'm doing the exact same stuff she did before...WHY?!

While I was pondering, and munching, Wyn the Crazy showed up and told me she defeated Saruman again. Firstly...AGAIN?! And secondly...there's professionals that deal with insanity, right? I think I have to get her some help and fast...

Why is it, dear diary, that I'm the only sane person around? And where, pray tell, is my lunch?

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Lazy Falcons

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 70 Burglar, Gilrain

Dear Diary,

The people of Tûr Morva are just bloody lazy, aren't they? They flipping made me do chores again! And food is also hard to come by, safe for some Billberry Pies, and they won't last me very long... When I asked for second breakfast they just stared at me blankly. I really want to leave this food-forsaken place!

But G said we should just stick it out as these quests would give us enough experience to give us another level...um, does he think we're in some kind of game?! Crazy elf!

However, it's not just the lack of munchies that makes me want to go back to Galtrev and its cooks... That Lheu Brenin guy gives me the creeps. I have a hunch that he's not as friendly as he pretends to be... Then again, he gave me some really nice pants...

Still I was glad to return to proper meals in Galtrev...even though we were cutting it close for dinner. Sitting around the fire now is nice though. I still have a few muffins to nibble on, and once they're done, I'm sure there'll be more where these came from...

One thing is odd though. That one guy, Morn, used to take weird stuff like Spotted Ears and Bent Metal Maces from me and told his friends how awesome I am...he won't do that anymore... Not that they're not already worshipping me, but still...

Oh no! G just said we should move on to Dunbog tomorrow, and I really don't want to go... I don't like swamps, especially if the have lots of water and I have to swim... Not that I'm scared or anything...

Anyway, if he wants to head out tomorrow, I better get myself ready...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, singing off.

Shades and Chores

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 69 Burglar, Gilrain

Dear Diary,

Ithil's madness has unfortunately spread to Gilerian. Now Miss Crazy Lore-mistress is convinced that she killed the Lieutenant of Dol Guldur yesterday, a Ring-wraith. I'm starting to see a trend here. Apparently it's IN amongst the insane population to off Nazgûl... Not my idea of fun, but if it makes them happy... Not that Gilly was particularly happy as the LT didn't drop his doormat...whatever.

However, it is not just the spreading insanity amongst my friends that I want to tell you about...it's my so-called friend G (the guardian I mentioned before). He had the brilliant idea of moving on to the Bonevales...idiotic elf! The main part of the population of that fun place is undead shades! And their favourite past-time seems to be turning hobbits either undead as well or, failing that, completely dead. We barely made it out of there...in time for tea! And missing meals is just rude.

And as if that hadn't been enough, G then suggested going to that FARM! I told him in no uncertain words that I don't do farms or chores. Why does he think I not only left the Shire but changed my name as well? So no one would ask why I wasn't back home on our stupid farm, that's why! But G said, no promised we wouldn't have to do any chores...

G is a bloody liar!

Okay, first we just had to help a few baddies on their journey to the afterlife...but then it was 'gather carrots', 'collect tanned hides and blankets', 'get wool of sheepsies' and lastly 'gather eggs'. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's CHORES! I gave Mr Pointy-Ear a piece of my mind and I bet his ears are still ringing!

Now we're sitting in this stupid little village and they're running late making dinner! I think I have to go and tell them that all those heroic deeds (like gathering eggs) make for one very hungry hobbit...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.