And Then There Were None...

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I was already sleeping on Monday, slumbering peacefully and dreaming of pies and cakes and lovely things like that when I was woken by a positively giddy Ithil. Or as I'm calling her, and not just in my head but also to her face, inconsiderate, insane and impossible Ithilwen! Oh yes, alliterations are awesome, aren't they? Anyway, Ithil had just returned from Orthanc and they killed Saruman. Again. I was about to punch her. Or stab her in the back. 'No, no, no...' she said, 'you don't understand! We killed him on Tier 2 and almost got Challenge Mode as well.' Eh, what?! You killed him, good. That's all I need to know. Or rather, I don't! And most importantly, I don't need to be woken up because of stuffs like that!

But she continued her tale without paying any attention to me whatsoever. 'And we had to do it twice, because the first time round, we killed the last one, and then there were none, and then we had to use the rings, and then we suddenly died...' Hah! I bet it was all Ithil's fault as well! 'So we went again, and it all worked out great!' Yeah, yeah. Whatever! I had taken to playing with my daggers at that point, but did she take the hint? NO! However... After all the babbling of Orthanc, and Saruman and loot...I did listen to that bit very intently...she suddenly said, 'Oh, and the Festival is going on...' Woot?! And she doesn't tell me this immediately?! I don't flipping care about silly wizards, however festivals...that's different!

Ithil of course already got the steed and had to show it off and all, so I vowed to do better and not only get this year's new pony, but also the one I never bothered to get last year. I'm not gonna be beaten by some silly minstrel! So off I went to the Haunted Burrow, and I was somewhat frightened... But I'm a strong hobbit, and brave, so I stared down the spiders and other scary things and just kept going, finding hobbits, finding someone's lost items, finding... Hang on, they made me do chores again and I didn't even notice! Darn it!

I also went to the hobbit dances and learned the second hobbit dance, and then decided that after bobbing for apples, it was time to have a drink, or six...or...even more. So I talked to this hobbit from the Inn League, who invited me to share his ale, and who then sent me on a wild goose chase across the Shire and back. At the end of which I was...well...very happy indeed. However, I didn't want the dwarves of the Ale Association to feel left out, so I went to Bree and had some more drinks with them. Lots more. The world was a funny colour when it all ended. But oh well, the things one does to make everyone like you...

And finally I did it! I got both ponies. And if I say so myself, I look rather dashing on them. Wearing the matching dresses and cloaks of course. I'm a fashionable hobbit after all!

On my way to Hengstacer Farm, I found this pumpkin patch, and obviously couldn't quite resist picking a pumpkin or two. I think I'll carve it and put it in front of my tent to ward off silly minstrels who think it's a good idea to wake me in the night...

Right, off now to sample the food they have at the Festival Grounds. Enjoy your festival, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Goats, Deeds and a Very Lazy Guardian

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Summer is officially over I think. Well, at least the Summer Festival is, and I have detected a slight chill in the air this morning before I went and invited myself to breakfast at the Cotton's home. But while hobbit cooking is pretty much the best and our partying skills are topped by no one, it's high time for me to venture into the wide expanses of Middle-earth once more.

I think I'll join my friends in Galtrev again... The food there was quite nice and I still have to convince the Prince of Rohan and his riders that I am a most trustworthy hobbit indeed. And if that means that I have to steal, eh, borrow Punctured Shields and things like that from Ithil and so on, that's fine by me.

Speaking of the crazy minstrel...she spent the best part of a day near Gondamon the other day, murmuring over and over about some silly goat and Buried Treasure Tokens. Apparently something's going on in the Low Lands that involves, and get this Diary, collecting berries for a cave-claw. So it's not enough that the people of every village I go to want me to do their chores for them. Now the local wildlife have jumped on that particular bandwagon as well. No thank you! If Ithil wants to chase after treasure, fine. I shall sit tight where I am and enjoy the scenery.

Goats...bah! So while Ithil was 'enjoying' the Treasure Hunt and her growing obsession with mounts, Wyn finally caught up with Brogur in the Deep Way and helped him defend the dwarves from huge frogs and a generous helping of goblins and orcs. The poor dwarf only had to wait three years for her to show up... Afterwards, she went and chatted to Mr Arrogance himself, Haldir, Marchwarden of Lothlórien...and I think she stayed longer than she had to. I wonder if she, you know, 'likes' him...


Shiny cloak looks better on me than Wyn And once she was done with Mr Pointy-Ear and Sharp-Tongue, she lulled my good friend Tickly Tickles into a false sense of security and got her to kill stuffs in something called New Devilry. Whatever that is, it doesn't sound very inviting. However, I heard that one of my favourite cloaks comes from there...the Cloak of Shadow and Flame. Shiny that. At the end of it all, she got something called Heart of Fire and was very happy about it. See, I'd be happy if I got pies...

And since I'm a sensible hobbit, I also stayed behind when everyone ran off to kill worms, giants, trolls and whatever else they felt like slaying for those strange deed things. Someone even told me to get some more Determination and I sat them down and explained to them that I was as determined as can be...determined to get the next meal and then some. I got a shrug in return and a mumbled 'suit yourself'. There's weird people in this, our Middle-earth...

Ithil just told me that the Harvestmath Festival is due to start on Monday...I believe that when I see it. But if it does start, I will camp out in Bree-land this time. I've had a bit too much of the happy-go-lucky hobbitness in the Shire and need some diversity in my life. Also, say what you will about the Bree-landers, they cook nice food.

Speaking of which, I think my lunch is ready, so see you later, Diary...and who knows, maybe next time it will be at the next Festival...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Festivals in Rohan?

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Wynnie is lazy! There's no other way of stating it. She is bloody lazy! Just because she's on holiday doesn't mean she can skip out on her secretarial duties. But obviously she is of a different opinion. The nerve! And there is so much I have to tell you about, dearest Diary, I don't quite know where to start. Then again...

If Wynnie is lazy...which she is...then Ithil is crazy! Apparently something called NDA has been lifted so she suddenly started telling us all stories of her time in Rohan. First we all thought she'd gone down the deep end, but then others began talking about the same stuff... So apparently she went somewhere called Bullroarer...good Hobbit name that...and entered the Eastermnet. She had fun with Fellbeasts and their owners, palled around with the Fellowship, and topped it all off with the most idiotic thing ever. She went and jumped off a massive waterfall! Intentionally! Diary, I think she should seek out some professional help... These constant attempts to kill herself can't be good.

All in all, Ithil decreed Rohan to be absolutely awesome and promised that I'd love my war pony. Hang on, war pony?! She just giggled... And proceeded to babble about a burned-down town we would have to help rebuild like it was a good thing. It totally is not. Rebuilding stuff always involves something I'm trying to avoid at all costs...chores! I've only just escaped Hengstacer Farm, I'm not prepared to go back to doing the work other people just can't be bothered to do! Meh!

Anyway...so Ithil was doing her crazy-person stuff and also played about in Orthanc and Gilly was chasing purple skies... No really, the sky really was purple, or so she says. She said she was just riding around in Enedwaith, talking to crazy and less-crazy dwarves, and all of a sudden she looked up and saw the most beautiful sky ever. Silly elves. Looking at the sky when they should be seeking out the next meal! No wonder they're so skinny...

I'm not a silly elf. I'm a hobbit and I know what's good. And I say food and drink and festivities are very good indeed. Which is why I was...and still am...in the only place to be. The Party Tree! Occasionally I pop off to Bree, Thorin's and Celondim to do some fishing or find things people have misplaced, but generally I'm very much back home. For as long as the festival is on. After that I'll be going on my adventures again. Being back is nice, but after a while the Shire becomes a bit...too cheerful and too quiet and I have to leave to see the world once more.

For now though I'm happy to help Foxglove Tunnelly and Melilot Hayward with their lost things, though when it comes to Meliot's food...well...I might not be returning all of it... But she's a silly hobbit to leave food lying about the Shire. Doesn't she know what hobbits are like? We like to snack! And Mosco Smallburow is just as careless. I kinda feel for him...being dragged underwater by a fish isn't nice, but I'm still not returning all of his lunch to him. I'm a growing hobbit after all.

I'm not touching Ambi's concoctions though. Who knows what the silly dwarf put into those bottles. Nor will I leaf through Lalfor's books. Reading always makes me sleepy. And apparently that's true for him as well, or why would he constantly lose his stuff?

All my good deeds have netted me quite a few Summer Festival Tokens so I was able to splash out on my new pretty pony and some lovely new clothes. Aren't I the cutest hobbit ever?

And before I forget... Santhea, aka the Mistress of Purple Lightning, may her reign last forever and all that, is freezing her tender butt off on Hoth but is now 41. And she has caught the eye of some sort of medic called Talos Drellik...not sure what Mr Pirate has to say to that...

Oh, fresh pies have just come out of the oven, so I must run! Talk to you soon, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Of Mithril, Events and Festivals

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Summer is really here to stay it would seem. The sun is out, warming us all...a bit too much at times, or so Wynnie says...and I am eagerly waiting for the Summer Festival to begin. Ithil mumbled something like 'should be today', but I'll not believe that until I see it with my own eyes. I mean, after the Farmers Faire was delayed by a week...

However, not everyone has to wait for festivities it would seem. Apparently the evil Sith is currently enjoying her time at an event of some sort. The Grand Acquisition Race or something like that. She's flying back and forth between two places and has a jolly good time. (Hang on, flying?! How?!) Well, as much as she can have a good time. But hey, I've heard the she and her 'companion' Andronikos are...well...more than friends and maybe he's mellowing her down a bit. Maybe.

Or it could also be her way of celebrating her new title. She is now Lord Santhea, which strikes me as odd. How can a girl be a Lord? I mean, shouldn't that be 'Lady'? I asked her and she just huffed and threatened with purple lightning. But as I was running away and even hid in plain sight, the Squirrel sauntered up to Miss Evil and asked her for lessons. I think Isquariel is jealous and wants purple lightning as well. Silly girl.

Whatever happened between those two I don't know. Santhea was glaring daggers, so I most definitely did not stay to watch. If those two want to zap each other, that's fine. But I don't want to be the collateral damage, no thank you Diary. And if those two are fighting, my money is on the Sith. She's just far more ruthless.

So yes, I ran away to the kitchens, grabbed a snack and then thought a nice ride through the Shire would not be amiss. That's when I noticed. After having done her steamy thing, I didn't expect another surprise out of Wynnie for the next couple of months if not years. But I was dead wrong. I poked my nose into my stables and saw it. My lovely new pony! Wynnie apparently went Mithrilling and got all of us a horsie / pony again. She's the most awesome secretary ever!

Right, I will go and check if there's a festival to be had today, if not, I'll just grab something to eat in Michel Delving. Enjoy your summer, Diary and I shall talk to you very soon.

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Get Ready to Scramble!

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I'm thoroughly enjoying myself right now. The Faire is absolutely grand, though at nighttime, I always feel a bit...full. I hope I'm not turning into a glutton like the Mayor. That would be bad as I'm already looking forward to more adventuring. But for now, I'm still in the Shire, and Diary, I'm loving it.

I have also spoken to Little Miss Lazy, also known as Petunia Hornblower, and she is just... It's seriously unbelievable! I know laziness is an old Hobbit tradition, but she is taking it way too far! So initially she just wanted me to gather bait for her fishing extravaganza. Okay, fine, I can do that. Off I went, got some worms, and back I went to get my Farmers Faire Tokens... But no...

Suddenly she doesn't know how to hook the bait, tuh! And then she got all grossed out and asked me to do her fishing for her! The gall! So of course I went and did her fishing only to be degraded to delivery hobbit. Off to Hobbiton I went to meet Hal Hornblower. He said she was about the neediest person in the Shire and advised me to put my foot down. No more errands! And lo and behold, it worked. Petunia grumbled, but still handed over the Tokens. I will never talk to her again!

After I was done huffing and puffing, I decided to head to Sandson's Farm once more. And I have to say that chasing chicken around after Petunia chased me around...it felt really nice. I stayed there for an hour or two, enjoying the fun game of Egg Scramble, until I was told, politely, that I should stop frightening the living daylight out of the chicken. And that I should stop stealing the Festive Eggs. Whatever.

I was very rich in Faire Tokens upon my return to Bywater and decided to go shopping. The seamstresses have created the cutest outfit to match the Farmers Faire Steed, and I think I went a bit overboard with my shopping spree. But no matter. I'm a hobbit of good taste and good taste rarely is cheap.

Unfortunately, the Faire is only running until next Monday but luckily Ithil said it wouldn't be long until the Summer Festival. So yay for that!

In other, more boring news, Gilerian finally hit the big 75 and managed to somehow get people to take her to Isengard. So now she's the proud owner of a full Armour of the Iordúr set. No idea what that is, but she's happy. Of course now she's moaning that she has to run around all over the place to do deeds for virtues. Deeds I understand. But she completely lost me when she mentioned virtues. What are those? She just patted my head and wandered off. How dare she!

And the evil Sith sent a message that she is now 33 and still on Alderaan. Slacking much? Of course I'd never say that to her face...purple lightning and all that. But really, she is a bit...slow...

Right, I just smelled some freshly made pies, so I better run. Take care, Diary. Enjoy the last Faire days and I shall see you at the Summer Festival.

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Good Morning, Farmers Faire!

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Good morning, my dearest Diary. The sun has just come up and the Bywater Pond is sparkling like a blanket of adamants. It is warm outside and I bet no drop of rain would even think about falling for the next couple of weeks. It is festival time after all, and the Shire is buzzing with excitement. And so am I if I'm honest. What can I say, I'm still a full-fledged hobbit at heart.

Let me tell you of the celebrations. But where to start? There is so much to be done and to be seen... Well, being a hobbit I think you will understand that one of the main things I love about the Faire is all the food and drink. There's a market in Bywater and a massive table laden down with food. Or at least it was before Mayor Whitfoot got to it. The greedy hobbit is stuffing his face pretty much non-stop and expects visitors to help him ease his tummy. I told him to just stop eating for five minutes and he looked at me as if I'd sprouted a second head or something... Idiot hobbit.

So I wondered off to the Party Tree and met up with my friends from the Inn League. Much drinking took place as was to be expected and by the time I reached Michel Delving on my pub crawl, I was more than a little tipsy. But there is something that worries me... There are people, like my 'dear friend' Ithil who are helping those nasty dwarves of the Ale Association. Recipes go missing all over the Shire and kegs get damaged and all the good ale goes to waste. I asked Ithil how she could be so mean and she just said that she likes being a Creep. Whatever!

Just south of Michel Delving is the Shire race track and lo and behold, I won the race on my first try. I had heard rumours of a splendid new pony so I chose a Race Token as my reward. I then went to Breeland and did the race there and voilá;, that was the second race token taken care of. But there was the nasty business of 120 Farmers Faire Tokens... I do appreciate that they want to get people to work for the new pony, but... But I wanted the pony so there was only one thing to be done.

Back to Bywater I went and this time I started helping people left, right and centre. Restocking a stall, no problem. Taking a shift selling things, easy. Helping the Mayor, alright then. Acting up as a Bounder only to throw rotten veggies at them later, oh yes! And then there were the two fun games... Chasing after chicken and then pinching their eggs at Sandson's Farm was fun, but munching the forbidden mushrooms at Bamfurlong was just amazing...

And then there was the fishing. What could be more relaxing then standing on a riverbank with your fishing rod in the water and the promise of some fish for dinner? Okay, the fact that there are about ten other people doing the same thing is a bit bleh, but oh well. So I went to catch me some fish and Godo Bracegirdle was kind enough to give me more Farmers Faire Tokens for them. I haven't spoken to Petunia Hornblower yet as I remember her as the laziest hobbit ever! Maybe next time.

At the end of it all I did not only have a rumbling tummy but also enough Tokens to buy Wheat, my lovely new pony. Of course there are lots more things to buy, but I shall tell you about that next time.

For now let me just finish by informing you that the evil Sith is now 31...she's aging real fast!...and that she moved on and is now intimidating people on Alderaan. No idea where that is, but she told me to let you know as otherwise... Let's not think about that.

I think it's time for breakfast so I am off now. Have a lovely Faire, Diary and I shall speak to you soon.

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

New Ponies and Festivals

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I'm so very sorry...there was nothing I could do. That evil Santhea-person just took you from my hands and off she went. She was positively scary, there was purple lighting buzzing all around her and stuff. And when she brought you back, she told me she would get you again whenever she fancies. And I'm only little, I can't stand up to her. And even Wyn, who should be big and strong and brave and all that, even she was hiding away from the evil Sith-lord. Though...how can a girl be a lord I wonder...

Be that as it may, I do apologise. But I think it might be easier for all of us to just let her abuse you once in a while. Because otherwise...I don't even want to think about what she'd do to the both of us, dear Diary. I'm just glad she didn't burn you or anything like that...

Now where were we last time? Oh yes, I was telling you about that stupid horse at Hengstacer Farm... I'm still doing my chores there whenever I can, and so is Ithil. However, she was talking about some weird old man, dressed all in white and a nice white horsie called Shadowfax... I think she's delusional again. Got clobbered over the head one too many times or something like that. Wouldn't surprise me considering where she goes every week. And if you're wondering where, Diary, to Orthanc...that's where. She's still trying to defeat that Saruman on Tier Two (and I still don't know what that means). At least she managed Lightning and Fire and Frost this week...but as there are trolls and giants there, I wouldn't be surprised if they hit her over the head a bit...or a bit more.

I for one am enjoying the quiet life right now, although it will become a bit busier come tomorrow. The Farmer's Faire is coming to town, and it's my first year attending. I'm sure there will be lots of food, drink and music, and as you know, that's the sort of thing I love most. Well, that and a bit of burglary. But there's always a way to combine stuff, isn't there. I could, for example, burgle some food, right? Very excited, and I hope it will meet my high expectations...

Oh, and I received a gift today. I think Wynnie did something steamy, which netted all of us a new means of transportation...a new pony in my case. It's called Hazy and I just love it. It's just the cutest ever, just look at the way it blows 'steam' from its nostrils! I absolutely love it.

Hazy the Cute, also known as a Noble Grey Pony

Oh dear, it's getting late and I still have to do my chores before lunch. I really have to be off. And I promise, Diary, Santhea won't hurt you. She just wants to express herself and all her evilness. We just, you know, have to get to know her better, and maybe we can learn something from her in the end...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.