Festivals Yay, Chores Nay!

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 95 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

They did it again. They ... well, I don't quite know who they are, but they made me do chores and those weird quest things again. I had such a great old time, prancing about the Shire and Winterhome, gathering up new ponies and eating my fill. It was good fun as well, I'm telling you, Diary. Food, drink and merriment at every other corner. And I even got to act again. Oh yes. I'm a little actress and I did a fantastic job. Just like last year.

I also went sightseeing. It's fun after all, and gets you away from annoying minstrels and crazy lore-mistresses. So I went to the Misty Mountains and visited my good friends the goblins. They were building nice fires for me to keep warm and also cooked me stuffs. Though I have to say it didn't exactly taste all that great. Oh well...

And I did my best to ignore certain bits of mail in my mailbox. Ithil's been chattering about Edoras, and problems in Western Rohan, but I ignored her. I also ignored that weird Gillyweed person who was babbling inanely (like always) about her uber ratsnest (bog lurker) and this song called "Ring of Fire". I think it was a song at least. Anyway, so I'm digressing. I ignored them. I'm good at that. I simply sharpened my daggers a bit. Or ate another pie or two. Or, yes, three.

But then G came up to me, sat down and handed me a cake. At this point, dear Diary, I should have known something was up and I wouldn't like it. He smiled all sweetly like and announced that while Snowbourn was nice and all, he was growing restless. An elf. Restless. The thought! They sit around for hundreds of years doing nothing, but being in Snowie for all of six months is too long for Master Pointy Ears. The gall! He waved this letter in front of me then, and a map, saying we should maybe check out what was across the river. The river we were not so long ago told to not cross on pain of death. I told him he was crazy. And still somehow found myself in the little town of Entwade. Rohirrim and their naming of places. It sure is impressive. Not.

And after lots of running around, and chores, and killing things that apparently needed killing, we ended up at the Hornburg in Helm's Deep. Now I don't know for sure, but I think something bad's gonna happen here pretty darn soon. But that's for another day I think. Because now Megilieth decided to join us out here in Rohan, and she can have the limelight for all I care. I'll just go and find something to eat.

Speaking of which, my dear friends Corudan and Horn have made me some munchies, so I'm off. Talk to you later.

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Welcome to Rohan!

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 78 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I'm in Rohan, Diary. Not because I changed my mind about going there, oh no. But I've been receiving more and more messages from the inhabitants of Langhold, basically begging me to come and help them as they had this crazy minstrel passing through who wreaked havoc...I wonder who that was...and offering lots and lots of pies and cookies. I couldn't say no to that, could I?

So I grabbed G by his pointy ears and off we went to...Caras Galadhon? Seems Galadriel wanted to chat to us some, and nice hobbit that I am, I let her. Who knew we'd get food and stuffs out of it? Made me very happy indeed. Then we headed off downriver, stopped at Stangard to pick up Horn...Nona was totally nonchalant about it, but I wonder if those two...and finally we reached the East Wall and the Argonath.

The whole place was overrun by orcs, but G and I sent them packing. We also did a bit of sightseeing, for example we went up to Amon Hen and I sat in the Seat of Seeing with G standing guard...well, he is a guardian after all. We also saw the Falls of Rauros and the lawn of Parth Galen where we met a party of adventurers from Gondor.

Unfortunately said adventurers were a bit crappy and got us to free their dwarven friend from his Uruk Hai captors...and obviously they also forgot to mention the Nazgûl we inevitably ran into... Why oh why are there so many idiots in Middle-earth? Doesn't matter. After the Ring-wraith had been dealt with, we stumbled upon this cave, and found this baby bog-lurker...so cute! G mumbled something like 'both of you are' but when I asked him to repeat that, he wouldn't. Maybe because I was pointing my dagger at him...silly elf!

Having a bite to eat at the Thane's house.

But I hadn't forgotten all the letters and obviously wanted to pick up all the promised food, eh... I mean I really wanted to help the good people of Langhold, so off we went and found that the children in Rohan are like totally tough. Where a little hobbit would cry when he or she got punted all over the place, Rohirrim children love that kind of thing. And they thought that I would like it as well. I think parenting classes are in order...just saying.

Somewhere, somehow, something went seriously wrong in their upbringing...

All was going rather well until some insane person thought it'd be a great idea to invite the Nazgûl that had previously destroyed the town over to 'talk things over'. Guess how that ended, Diary. Give you a hint, we're all stranded in Harwick... But at least I got a nice war-pony out of it. Take the good with the bad, as I like to say...unless the bad is bad food.

Speaking of which, I'm off to grab some munchies now, so I shall speak to you later, Diary! Oh, but before I forget, apparently the Squirrel is now all Rohirrim as well and reached something 85 or other. Whatever...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Rohan Awaits

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Rohan awaits...and as far as I'm concerned it can wait a while longer. I'm still recovering from all the festivals we've had recently so there's no way I'm going somewhere I have to do chores again. And according to Ithil the chores in Rohan are...somewhat special.

So for the time being I'm sitting tight in Galtrev enjoying the hospitality and hero worship of the Dunlanding and endure the babble of Miss Crazy Minstrel. And babble she does, all the time and every flipping day since she went south. Can't she, you know, just stay there and leave a recuperating hobbit alone? Wishful thinking, I know.

So apparently she got this letter about two weeks ago summoning her to Langhold. If they're asking her for help, they must be really desperate. So she went there, killed some salamanders and bandits, found a Fell-beast and while she was cuddling it, its Nazgûl owner and his Easterling friends burned down the town. Well done, fail mini! But clearly the Rohirrim are used to their livelihoods going up in flames...ever heard of brick buildings and roof tiles?...so they weren't too upset at all, just asked her to help re-home them. Next thing people will ask us to rebuild towns singlehandedly...

So off she went to Harwick and got a new horse! And not just any horse, a war steed! For what exactly? Making sure that a town got destroyed? Well, go you! But it turned out that the new horsie wasn't quite as easy to handle as her previous mounts, so she had to take some lessons in riding again. Pathetic! I'm sure I won't need that when I get there. Because I'm awesome and she's just...not.

On and on she rambled about once again following the Fellowship's path and 'seeing' how Boromir lost the plot and tried to take the ring off of Frodo. I think she is delusional! And then she moved on to save various Thanes, met gigantic spiders and walking trees...I'm not going to Rohan, ever...and eventually travelled to Edoras to meet Théoden King and more importantly a girl called Éowyn. She seemed really happy about that for some reason.

Ithil and her new best friend, Éowyn

At this point though she became rather quiet and I had to prod her several times until she finally told me all about the stupid town she's now rebuilding. And with that she killed my last shred of desire to see the Land of the Horse-lords. Hytbold can find some other idiot to rebuild it. I'm out. So long. No more chores for this hobbit!

So while Ithil is running around doing chores and rebuilds silly towns, I'm munching on muffins and pies. And as I said, Rohan may await my arrival, but it can wait for a long long time!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Festivals in Rohan?

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Wynnie is lazy! There's no other way of stating it. She is bloody lazy! Just because she's on holiday doesn't mean she can skip out on her secretarial duties. But obviously she is of a different opinion. The nerve! And there is so much I have to tell you about, dearest Diary, I don't quite know where to start. Then again...

If Wynnie is lazy...which she is...then Ithil is crazy! Apparently something called NDA has been lifted so she suddenly started telling us all stories of her time in Rohan. First we all thought she'd gone down the deep end, but then others began talking about the same stuff... So apparently she went somewhere called Bullroarer...good Hobbit name that...and entered the Eastermnet. She had fun with Fellbeasts and their owners, palled around with the Fellowship, and topped it all off with the most idiotic thing ever. She went and jumped off a massive waterfall! Intentionally! Diary, I think she should seek out some professional help... These constant attempts to kill herself can't be good.

All in all, Ithil decreed Rohan to be absolutely awesome and promised that I'd love my war pony. Hang on, war pony?! She just giggled... And proceeded to babble about a burned-down town we would have to help rebuild like it was a good thing. It totally is not. Rebuilding stuff always involves something I'm trying to avoid at all costs...chores! I've only just escaped Hengstacer Farm, I'm not prepared to go back to doing the work other people just can't be bothered to do! Meh!

Anyway...so Ithil was doing her crazy-person stuff and also played about in Orthanc and Gilly was chasing purple skies... No really, the sky really was purple, or so she says. She said she was just riding around in Enedwaith, talking to crazy and less-crazy dwarves, and all of a sudden she looked up and saw the most beautiful sky ever. Silly elves. Looking at the sky when they should be seeking out the next meal! No wonder they're so skinny...

I'm not a silly elf. I'm a hobbit and I know what's good. And I say food and drink and festivities are very good indeed. Which is why I was...and still am...in the only place to be. The Party Tree! Occasionally I pop off to Bree, Thorin's and Celondim to do some fishing or find things people have misplaced, but generally I'm very much back home. For as long as the festival is on. After that I'll be going on my adventures again. Being back is nice, but after a while the Shire becomes a bit...too cheerful and too quiet and I have to leave to see the world once more.

For now though I'm happy to help Foxglove Tunnelly and Melilot Hayward with their lost things, though when it comes to Meliot's food...well...I might not be returning all of it... But she's a silly hobbit to leave food lying about the Shire. Doesn't she know what hobbits are like? We like to snack! And Mosco Smallburow is just as careless. I kinda feel for him...being dragged underwater by a fish isn't nice, but I'm still not returning all of his lunch to him. I'm a growing hobbit after all.

I'm not touching Ambi's concoctions though. Who knows what the silly dwarf put into those bottles. Nor will I leaf through Lalfor's books. Reading always makes me sleepy. And apparently that's true for him as well, or why would he constantly lose his stuff?

All my good deeds have netted me quite a few Summer Festival Tokens so I was able to splash out on my new pretty pony and some lovely new clothes. Aren't I the cutest hobbit ever?

And before I forget... Santhea, aka the Mistress of Purple Lightning, may her reign last forever and all that, is freezing her tender butt off on Hoth but is now 41. And she has caught the eye of some sort of medic called Talos Drellik...not sure what Mr Pirate has to say to that...

Oh, fresh pies have just come out of the oven, so I must run! Talk to you soon, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

New Ponies and Festivals

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I'm so very sorry...there was nothing I could do. That evil Santhea-person just took you from my hands and off she went. She was positively scary, there was purple lighting buzzing all around her and stuff. And when she brought you back, she told me she would get you again whenever she fancies. And I'm only little, I can't stand up to her. And even Wyn, who should be big and strong and brave and all that, even she was hiding away from the evil Sith-lord. Though...how can a girl be a lord I wonder...

Be that as it may, I do apologise. But I think it might be easier for all of us to just let her abuse you once in a while. Because otherwise...I don't even want to think about what she'd do to the both of us, dear Diary. I'm just glad she didn't burn you or anything like that...

Now where were we last time? Oh yes, I was telling you about that stupid horse at Hengstacer Farm... I'm still doing my chores there whenever I can, and so is Ithil. However, she was talking about some weird old man, dressed all in white and a nice white horsie called Shadowfax... I think she's delusional again. Got clobbered over the head one too many times or something like that. Wouldn't surprise me considering where she goes every week. And if you're wondering where, Diary, to Orthanc...that's where. She's still trying to defeat that Saruman on Tier Two (and I still don't know what that means). At least she managed Lightning and Fire and Frost this week...but as there are trolls and giants there, I wouldn't be surprised if they hit her over the head a bit...or a bit more.

I for one am enjoying the quiet life right now, although it will become a bit busier come tomorrow. The Farmer's Faire is coming to town, and it's my first year attending. I'm sure there will be lots of food, drink and music, and as you know, that's the sort of thing I love most. Well, that and a bit of burglary. But there's always a way to combine stuff, isn't there. I could, for example, burgle some food, right? Very excited, and I hope it will meet my high expectations...

Oh, and I received a gift today. I think Wynnie did something steamy, which netted all of us a new means of transportation...a new pony in my case. It's called Hazy and I just love it. It's just the cutest ever, just look at the way it blows 'steam' from its nostrils! I absolutely love it.

Hazy the Cute, also known as a Noble Grey Pony

Oh dear, it's getting late and I still have to do my chores before lunch. I really have to be off. And I promise, Diary, Santhea won't hurt you. She just wants to express herself and all her evilness. We just, you know, have to get to know her better, and maybe we can learn something from her in the end...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

A Quiet Summer of Chores?

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

How could you?! I turn my back on you for...okay, it was quite some time, but still... And what do you do? You run off with the crazy minstrel! Her of all people! I had a massive go at her and in the end we sort of agreed to disagree. She thinks I abandoned you and said if she sees you lying about, she would keep you company. Eventually though, she promised she would only ever 'borrow' you at festival times when I'm 'otherwise engaged', but still...

And then Wynnie was too lazy to write anything because of something called 'football'...what is that anyway? Once again, dear Diary, I am forced to come to but one conclusion...I'm surrounded by idiots! Well, not completely surrounded, there are some really nice peeps out there too, but you get my meaning...

Anyway, let me tell you about going home to the Shire and the festivities there. I don't think I've seen so much food and drink anywhere else in Middle-earth. Hobbits are the best! However, after visiting Moria I have to admit...grudgingly I might add...that dwarves are a close second when it comes to foodstuffs. But we're still the best, so hah!

I ate and drank and sang, and even went riding a bit, but when I saw little Miss Perfect's (also known as Ithilwen, Diary Thief) new horse I knew it wasn't for me. A Rohan theme? No thank you! But it seems I can't avoid Rohan despite my efforts to have a quiet and comfortable summer.

I received a letter summoning me to Combe. As it's a little village just north of Staddle and I just happened to be there anyway to visit some friends (who've left the Shire years ago to live in the more adventurous world of the Big Folk), I went there. What's the worst that could happen in Bree-land, eh? I think I must have been suffering from amnesia or something like that... Clearly I didn't think of Black Riders and Rangers turning into wraiths.

But 'luckily' it wasn't Nazgûl that were waiting for me in Combe. It was a wandering horse. And as it turned out, the stable hand in Combe was unable to take care of a horse...because he's a wuss! You probably can tell where this is going, dear Diary. Who was asked to do chores again? Me! I had to go find straw, I had to see to the new horseshoes. Me!

And now I'm sitting around at Hengstacer Farm looking after even more horses! What happened to my quiet summer?! At least Emma Rosethorn is a good cook... Positive thinking, Diary...

Ithil visits me at times, as does Wyn. They, too, have been asked to help with the chores, so at least I'm not alone. And yesterday Varnie popped up all giddy because she finally reached some sort of level cap of 65. She wasn't all that happy anymore after I pointed out that I was 75, even though I still don't know what that means. And after I said that soon we'd be able to be 85 she looked quite suicidal...oh well.

So off she went to Dunland, with a quick detour to Harndirion to pick up some armour, and if I don't hear from her again, I'll just assume that she go herself killed. Or that she's gonna sit around moping for years again.

Oh, Emma just called me to lunch so I better run. And Diary...don't you go wandering off to Minstrels again!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.