Festivals Yay, Chores Nay!

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 95 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

They did it again. They ... well, I don't quite know who they are, but they made me do chores and those weird quest things again. I had such a great old time, prancing about the Shire and Winterhome, gathering up new ponies and eating my fill. It was good fun as well, I'm telling you, Diary. Food, drink and merriment at every other corner. And I even got to act again. Oh yes. I'm a little actress and I did a fantastic job. Just like last year.

I also went sightseeing. It's fun after all, and gets you away from annoying minstrels and crazy lore-mistresses. So I went to the Misty Mountains and visited my good friends the goblins. They were building nice fires for me to keep warm and also cooked me stuffs. Though I have to say it didn't exactly taste all that great. Oh well...

And I did my best to ignore certain bits of mail in my mailbox. Ithil's been chattering about Edoras, and problems in Western Rohan, but I ignored her. I also ignored that weird Gillyweed person who was babbling inanely (like always) about her uber ratsnest (bog lurker) and this song called "Ring of Fire". I think it was a song at least. Anyway, so I'm digressing. I ignored them. I'm good at that. I simply sharpened my daggers a bit. Or ate another pie or two. Or, yes, three.

But then G came up to me, sat down and handed me a cake. At this point, dear Diary, I should have known something was up and I wouldn't like it. He smiled all sweetly like and announced that while Snowbourn was nice and all, he was growing restless. An elf. Restless. The thought! They sit around for hundreds of years doing nothing, but being in Snowie for all of six months is too long for Master Pointy Ears. The gall! He waved this letter in front of me then, and a map, saying we should maybe check out what was across the river. The river we were not so long ago told to not cross on pain of death. I told him he was crazy. And still somehow found myself in the little town of Entwade. Rohirrim and their naming of places. It sure is impressive. Not.

And after lots of running around, and chores, and killing things that apparently needed killing, we ended up at the Hornburg in Helm's Deep. Now I don't know for sure, but I think something bad's gonna happen here pretty darn soon. But that's for another day I think. Because now Megilieth decided to join us out here in Rohan, and she can have the limelight for all I care. I'll just go and find something to eat.

Speaking of which, my dear friends Corudan and Horn have made me some munchies, so I'm off. Talk to you later.

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Time Flies...

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 85 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Yes, time flies indeed when one is eating good food and enjoys the finer things in life. Like listening to Ithil's tales of grandeur in Erebor...yeah...no! One of these days, Diary, one of these days she will make the acquaintance of the business end of my dagger, and then there will be no more minstrelling! Annoying woman! Eh, I'm sorry you had to witness this, Diary, but she is really the bane of my existence. I don't require detailed descriptions of her exploits, I really don't. But obviously no one asks me. Oh no. Yes, well done her for being able to barter for First Age Symbols...whatever those are...but I don't need to hear about it day in, day out. I really don't.

Anyway...so yes. Ithil happened. But there were other things, much more pleasurable things as well. Festivals to be exact. Three of them if you're counting the one that is currently being celebrated all over Middle-earth. And I forgot to tell you anything about it. I am terribly sorry, Diary. But let me remedy that.

First of all, we celebrated an Anniversary of sorts. Six years of...something. I didn't really listen to the Festival Announcer but simply dug into food, drink and merriment as is my wont. I got the most amazing hat as you can see, and a beautiful pony. And a nifty backpack with fireworks just in case I need to fend off annoying minstrels. One cannot be prepared enough.

The Spring Festival brought with it the usual chores again, and some unusual ones as well. I had to help those blasted elven gardeners in Duillond with an infestation of shrews. Shrews, Diary! I suggested simply getting a cat, but they believed that stomping them was a much better way to get rid of them. Fools! But I helped, nice hobbit that I am. But in Bree I was asked to...to collect flowers. Now I love collecting flowers but to call that a chore?! Which they did. But I thoroughly enjoyed my hour of flower-picking, though I made sure to moan to the chap in Bree just so he gave me my hard-earned rewards.

Rewards including a lovely plate of cookies...that I was supposed to give to someone, but I'm a hobbit and cookies are food, and so the story goes. And a pony! And look, it matches my new cloak and dress! Isn't it pretty?

Right now, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet at the docks in Celondim, fishing and chatting to the local elves there. For some reason, they pay me for giving them certain types of fish, but hey, I'm not complaining. I shall tell you more about the Summer Festival soon, but for now, I've been called to breakfast. Enjoy your festival, Diary, and I shall talk to you later.

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Festivals, Steeds, and 85...

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 85 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Wow, it has indeed been a while, hasn't it, dearest Diary? A lot has happened, lots of food has found its way into my tummy, and Ithil has fallen in love with a mountain. Not any mountain...the Lonely Mountain. Something about an old smelly dwarf who used to live there or some other insane stuffs, but more later. After all, this is my diary, so I'll first tell you about me.

Well, where to begin? I've had a most fabulous winter. The Yule Festival was simply divine and I ate so much food they had to roll me out of the theatre on one occasion. I build more snowmen than I thought any hobbit ever could, spread cheer amongst snowbeasts, killed off grims and woodtrolls and generally had a blast. Obviously Ithil had an even better time, or so she will tell you if you ask her...and indeed if you don't. Yes, she got not only a new horsie...I did too...but also some stuff for her war-steed. Oh, I'm so very jealous, Mistress Fail Mini.

However, after getting my newest outfit...I don't look cute in it, by the way, so don't even think that!...I left for Galtrev. Can't have the people there forget their favourite hobbit. However, I had the sneaking suspicion that I left something in Frostbluff. Oh well, can't be all that important as I can't think what it could possibly be...

After all the partying and a very much needed break from adventuring, G dragged me off again. And we did it, Diary, we hit the magic number 85! Though I still don't know what the heck that means. But for some reason people in Snowbourn thought it was worth giving me cake, so it can't be all that bad.

Also, I get the feeling that Gilerian...you remember her, Diary, the pet-obsessed lore-mistress...anyway, she seems to have rules of her own that only apply to her and no one else.

She uses her horse in instances (this shall be known as Evidence Number 1 from now on).

I will look out for more hard evidence as time goes on, but let me just say she can apparently throw fireballs at enemies that are behind her! G has seen it!

Other than all of this, there is not much happening right now. A festival is going on again in Bree, with fireworks and lovely food and lots of envelopes flying around all over the place. Clearly the townsfolk don't know about the Shire Quick Post...maybe they should invest in some postal service as well. Just saying...

Oh yes, and then there's the matter of Ithil and her beloved mountain... But I shan't comment on it, just see for yourself.

Ithil was crying over some dwarf called 'Thorin', doesn't she know he lives in Thorin's Gate (or at least I think he does, it's named after him after all).

Right, lunch is being served at the Prancing Pony right now, and I don't want to let Barliman wait for me. That would be simply impolite. Enjoy your festival, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Welcome to Rohan!

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 78 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I'm in Rohan, Diary. Not because I changed my mind about going there, oh no. But I've been receiving more and more messages from the inhabitants of Langhold, basically begging me to come and help them as they had this crazy minstrel passing through who wreaked havoc...I wonder who that was...and offering lots and lots of pies and cookies. I couldn't say no to that, could I?

So I grabbed G by his pointy ears and off we went to...Caras Galadhon? Seems Galadriel wanted to chat to us some, and nice hobbit that I am, I let her. Who knew we'd get food and stuffs out of it? Made me very happy indeed. Then we headed off downriver, stopped at Stangard to pick up Horn...Nona was totally nonchalant about it, but I wonder if those two...and finally we reached the East Wall and the Argonath.

The whole place was overrun by orcs, but G and I sent them packing. We also did a bit of sightseeing, for example we went up to Amon Hen and I sat in the Seat of Seeing with G standing guard...well, he is a guardian after all. We also saw the Falls of Rauros and the lawn of Parth Galen where we met a party of adventurers from Gondor.

Unfortunately said adventurers were a bit crappy and got us to free their dwarven friend from his Uruk Hai captors...and obviously they also forgot to mention the Nazgûl we inevitably ran into... Why oh why are there so many idiots in Middle-earth? Doesn't matter. After the Ring-wraith had been dealt with, we stumbled upon this cave, and found this baby bog-lurker...so cute! G mumbled something like 'both of you are' but when I asked him to repeat that, he wouldn't. Maybe because I was pointing my dagger at him...silly elf!

Having a bite to eat at the Thane's house.

But I hadn't forgotten all the letters and obviously wanted to pick up all the promised food, eh... I mean I really wanted to help the good people of Langhold, so off we went and found that the children in Rohan are like totally tough. Where a little hobbit would cry when he or she got punted all over the place, Rohirrim children love that kind of thing. And they thought that I would like it as well. I think parenting classes are in order...just saying.

Somewhere, somehow, something went seriously wrong in their upbringing...

All was going rather well until some insane person thought it'd be a great idea to invite the Nazgûl that had previously destroyed the town over to 'talk things over'. Guess how that ended, Diary. Give you a hint, we're all stranded in Harwick... But at least I got a nice war-pony out of it. Take the good with the bad, as I like to say...unless the bad is bad food.

Speaking of which, I'm off to grab some munchies now, so I shall speak to you later, Diary! Oh, but before I forget, apparently the Squirrel is now all Rohirrim as well and reached something 85 or other. Whatever...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Rohan Awaits

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Rohan awaits...and as far as I'm concerned it can wait a while longer. I'm still recovering from all the festivals we've had recently so there's no way I'm going somewhere I have to do chores again. And according to Ithil the chores in Rohan are...somewhat special.

So for the time being I'm sitting tight in Galtrev enjoying the hospitality and hero worship of the Dunlanding and endure the babble of Miss Crazy Minstrel. And babble she does, all the time and every flipping day since she went south. Can't she, you know, just stay there and leave a recuperating hobbit alone? Wishful thinking, I know.

So apparently she got this letter about two weeks ago summoning her to Langhold. If they're asking her for help, they must be really desperate. So she went there, killed some salamanders and bandits, found a Fell-beast and while she was cuddling it, its Nazgûl owner and his Easterling friends burned down the town. Well done, fail mini! But clearly the Rohirrim are used to their livelihoods going up in flames...ever heard of brick buildings and roof tiles?...so they weren't too upset at all, just asked her to help re-home them. Next thing people will ask us to rebuild towns singlehandedly...

So off she went to Harwick and got a new horse! And not just any horse, a war steed! For what exactly? Making sure that a town got destroyed? Well, go you! But it turned out that the new horsie wasn't quite as easy to handle as her previous mounts, so she had to take some lessons in riding again. Pathetic! I'm sure I won't need that when I get there. Because I'm awesome and she's just...not.

On and on she rambled about once again following the Fellowship's path and 'seeing' how Boromir lost the plot and tried to take the ring off of Frodo. I think she is delusional! And then she moved on to save various Thanes, met gigantic spiders and walking trees...I'm not going to Rohan, ever...and eventually travelled to Edoras to meet Théoden King and more importantly a girl called Éowyn. She seemed really happy about that for some reason.

Ithil and her new best friend, Éowyn

At this point though she became rather quiet and I had to prod her several times until she finally told me all about the stupid town she's now rebuilding. And with that she killed my last shred of desire to see the Land of the Horse-lords. Hytbold can find some other idiot to rebuild it. I'm out. So long. No more chores for this hobbit!

So while Ithil is running around doing chores and rebuilds silly towns, I'm munching on muffins and pies. And as I said, Rohan may await my arrival, but it can wait for a long long time!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

And Then There Were None...

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I was already sleeping on Monday, slumbering peacefully and dreaming of pies and cakes and lovely things like that when I was woken by a positively giddy Ithil. Or as I'm calling her, and not just in my head but also to her face, inconsiderate, insane and impossible Ithilwen! Oh yes, alliterations are awesome, aren't they? Anyway, Ithil had just returned from Orthanc and they killed Saruman. Again. I was about to punch her. Or stab her in the back. 'No, no, no...' she said, 'you don't understand! We killed him on Tier 2 and almost got Challenge Mode as well.' Eh, what?! You killed him, good. That's all I need to know. Or rather, I don't! And most importantly, I don't need to be woken up because of stuffs like that!

But she continued her tale without paying any attention to me whatsoever. 'And we had to do it twice, because the first time round, we killed the last one, and then there were none, and then we had to use the rings, and then we suddenly died...' Hah! I bet it was all Ithil's fault as well! 'So we went again, and it all worked out great!' Yeah, yeah. Whatever! I had taken to playing with my daggers at that point, but did she take the hint? NO! However... After all the babbling of Orthanc, and Saruman and loot...I did listen to that bit very intently...she suddenly said, 'Oh, and the Festival is going on...' Woot?! And she doesn't tell me this immediately?! I don't flipping care about silly wizards, however festivals...that's different!

Ithil of course already got the steed and had to show it off and all, so I vowed to do better and not only get this year's new pony, but also the one I never bothered to get last year. I'm not gonna be beaten by some silly minstrel! So off I went to the Haunted Burrow, and I was somewhat frightened... But I'm a strong hobbit, and brave, so I stared down the spiders and other scary things and just kept going, finding hobbits, finding someone's lost items, finding... Hang on, they made me do chores again and I didn't even notice! Darn it!

I also went to the hobbit dances and learned the second hobbit dance, and then decided that after bobbing for apples, it was time to have a drink, or six...or...even more. So I talked to this hobbit from the Inn League, who invited me to share his ale, and who then sent me on a wild goose chase across the Shire and back. At the end of which I was...well...very happy indeed. However, I didn't want the dwarves of the Ale Association to feel left out, so I went to Bree and had some more drinks with them. Lots more. The world was a funny colour when it all ended. But oh well, the things one does to make everyone like you...

And finally I did it! I got both ponies. And if I say so myself, I look rather dashing on them. Wearing the matching dresses and cloaks of course. I'm a fashionable hobbit after all!

On my way to Hengstacer Farm, I found this pumpkin patch, and obviously couldn't quite resist picking a pumpkin or two. I think I'll carve it and put it in front of my tent to ward off silly minstrels who think it's a good idea to wake me in the night...

Right, off now to sample the food they have at the Festival Grounds. Enjoy your festival, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Goats, Deeds and a Very Lazy Guardian

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Summer is officially over I think. Well, at least the Summer Festival is, and I have detected a slight chill in the air this morning before I went and invited myself to breakfast at the Cotton's home. But while hobbit cooking is pretty much the best and our partying skills are topped by no one, it's high time for me to venture into the wide expanses of Middle-earth once more.

I think I'll join my friends in Galtrev again... The food there was quite nice and I still have to convince the Prince of Rohan and his riders that I am a most trustworthy hobbit indeed. And if that means that I have to steal, eh, borrow Punctured Shields and things like that from Ithil and so on, that's fine by me.

Speaking of the crazy minstrel...she spent the best part of a day near Gondamon the other day, murmuring over and over about some silly goat and Buried Treasure Tokens. Apparently something's going on in the Low Lands that involves, and get this Diary, collecting berries for a cave-claw. So it's not enough that the people of every village I go to want me to do their chores for them. Now the local wildlife have jumped on that particular bandwagon as well. No thank you! If Ithil wants to chase after treasure, fine. I shall sit tight where I am and enjoy the scenery.

Goats...bah! So while Ithil was 'enjoying' the Treasure Hunt and her growing obsession with mounts, Wyn finally caught up with Brogur in the Deep Way and helped him defend the dwarves from huge frogs and a generous helping of goblins and orcs. The poor dwarf only had to wait three years for her to show up... Afterwards, she went and chatted to Mr Arrogance himself, Haldir, Marchwarden of Lothlórien...and I think she stayed longer than she had to. I wonder if she, you know, 'likes' him...


Shiny cloak looks better on me than Wyn And once she was done with Mr Pointy-Ear and Sharp-Tongue, she lulled my good friend Tickly Tickles into a false sense of security and got her to kill stuffs in something called New Devilry. Whatever that is, it doesn't sound very inviting. However, I heard that one of my favourite cloaks comes from there...the Cloak of Shadow and Flame. Shiny that. At the end of it all, she got something called Heart of Fire and was very happy about it. See, I'd be happy if I got pies...

And since I'm a sensible hobbit, I also stayed behind when everyone ran off to kill worms, giants, trolls and whatever else they felt like slaying for those strange deed things. Someone even told me to get some more Determination and I sat them down and explained to them that I was as determined as can be...determined to get the next meal and then some. I got a shrug in return and a mumbled 'suit yourself'. There's weird people in this, our Middle-earth...

Ithil just told me that the Harvestmath Festival is due to start on Monday...I believe that when I see it. But if it does start, I will camp out in Bree-land this time. I've had a bit too much of the happy-go-lucky hobbitness in the Shire and need some diversity in my life. Also, say what you will about the Bree-landers, they cook nice food.

Speaking of which, I think my lunch is ready, so see you later, Diary...and who knows, maybe next time it will be at the next Festival...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.